OHMYGAHI'MBACKAGAIN YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH

Caught your attention with a Parrot or 6. Classic move.

 Remember the time I had this really cool and interesting blog? (Ok, it's cool and interesting to me)
And remember the time that like, once a week I promise that i'll be a good little blogger and keep ya'all updated? And remember the time that I totally lied about that and have been on a year-long hiatus? Yeaaaahhh...me too...Sorry about that.

Sorry for lying to you. It was not nice and I am a jerk. But i'm ready to be back in your good graces. Will you let me back in? Pretty pretty please?!?!

Yes? SWEET.

Change the we to I and that's how I feel about you. It's true.

Ok, so now that you love me again, I have some other news.

The blog is going to be a little different. Kinda the same, but a little different. Better different.

I know, you're like, first you lied to me and said you would post more often and then you didn't and now you're all like, blah blah this is going to change for the better blah blah. What!?! Change!? NO. End of discussion.

But open those pretty ears (hopefully wearing some gorgeous earrings) and hear me out. It's been a year and i've grown up a little-I've got so much to say and i'm ready to let it out! Let me try something new. I'm ready to spread my wings and fly this chicken coop. If it sucks, we go back to the old (meaning, non-existent) way of doing things and life goes on.

Who is with me for the ride?

You in?

Lets do this.

Xoxo,
Chelsea

P.S. Lately i've been really into Boy Bands again. Hence the reference to BSB in the title. Why are boy band songs so catchy!? How about those dapper young whippersnappers from One Direction.

No, we didn't coordinate our outfits. We just so happened to wake up all dressed alike. Don't judge us.

Don't even lie to me, when that "beautiful" song comes on, you can't help but dance. So lets all just dance and celebrate all the fun we're going to have! Yayyyy for fun and teeny boppin'!


So excited to be back :)

Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. And yes, that is the title of a real song.

Recently I was given free tickets to a big name country artist's concert here in Raleigh. I'm not a big country fan, but I do love a good (or bad) concert, so I gladly jumped at the chance to attend.

I am SO glad I went because in between my arrival at the concert and when I got a little too tipsy to operate my camera, I caught some real gems. I mean what else would you expect at a country concert in NC? Exactly. It was a sea of cowboy boots (me included!), girls in cute sundresses, and denim. It was delightful! So many people looked SO cute, but is that what this blog is about? No. It is about those who looked bad. Ready to see my findings?

1. Electric yellow shirt lady.

This picture DOES NOT do justice to the actual color of the shirt. Its brightness was extreme. Like blinding. I guess at a concert it's a good idea to wear ultra brights because I could've spotted her from a million miles away, no matter how drunk and cross-eyed I may or may not have gotten.

2. Fishing Fella

I hope you can read this magical shirt. Just in case you can't, it says: Work is for people who don't fish.
Correction: Work is for people who enjoy paying their bills, not being on crutches from being beaten up by not paying your bar tabs, and adults. Sorry buddy, looks like fishing is going to have to wait so you can make that thing that is called cash money dolla dolla bills and pay your damn bar tab.

3. MURSE. Also known as, the man who is his wife's bitch.

 

Sorry for the terrible quality of this picture, but people just wouldn't move out of my way to capture this. This husband is very kind for carrying his wife's Vera Bradley backpack (which is a nightmare in and of itself), but I could really do without his striped hollister tank top. Ew. Men in tank tops. Ew. Grown men in hollister/abercrombie/american eagle. Ew. 

4. Hoedown

Oh. My. Gah. This girl isn't joking and that is the problem. This is wrong. So wrong. But at least i'll give her credit for having an incredible body, but really? She is doing EVERYTHING that is stereotypical of a country girl at once. Jorts. Giant belt. Cowgirl boots. Texas hat. And of course, a plaid shirt tied up. Wow. Just speechless.

Ever seen any hilarious outfits at a country, or really any, concert? Tell me about it! Until next time, remember that these are all examples of what not to wear, so if any of these people are your friends, tell them to cease and desist immediately!

Wrong. This is so wrong.

This is my first reader submission and this gem was just too good to pass up.

Here's what the reader had to say about the situation:

"Unbelievably terrible...  Note the kitten heels... uggg.... She was really into it too... you could tell she was feelin' H-O-T... which made it that much worse!!!"

Look closely so you don't miss anything. 

Here's what is delighting me:

A. The long sheer skirt-y thing over the short skirt/shorts/skort. Whatever it is isn't working.

B. Kitten heel mules. With that awful sheer skirt. This is a disaster. Mules in general are a disaster.

C. She is at work. She is dressed like this at her place of business. If I was her boss, I'm pretty sure she would be fired for scaring away customers.

D. The oversized t-shirt. Flowy shirt + flowy skirt (if you can even call it that) = NO. NO. NO. That is a surefire way to look like a giant rectangle.

E. The glowing aura she has around here due to the sun. It's like the lights was all on her in a spotlight to showcase that delightful outfit. 

Thanks for the viewer submission! As always, if you see something that gives you a good giggle or a fashion faux pas that you feel is worth sharing, i'm always ready to take a gander and put in my 2 cents. Shoot me an e-mail, which you can find on the about me section!

 *For the record, I don't make fun of peoples outfits to be mean and malicious. I poke fun at people to show that while it's easy to look bad, it's just as easy to look great!

There is no doubt in my mind that a man invented this.

The brassiere. 

This is truly the backbone of a woman's entire closet, so why do so many of us eff this situation up royally?

Well, honestly it's not as easy as it seems!

Unfortunately, these torture devices/miracle workers can be extremely tricky to fit!

I'm not a bra expert (though I did work at Victoria's Secret way back when) so if you are in need of a fitting, please seek the help of an experience fitter! VS has all their girls trained to fit you, but if you are a big size then your best bet is to go somewhere like Nordstrom or another high-end department store because they will have an expert fitter as well as a much larger selection. And yes, the pun was intended.

That disclaimer being put out there, there's a ton of AWFUL things that women do with bras that need to be stopped!

1. Too tight around

As women, I feel like we work very hard to fight and tame back fat. Why in the world would you wear something that CREATES BACK FAT!?!? Are you trying on bras drunk? I mean there is no way this is comfortable. Get measured around and find the right band size, it's the first step in finding a bra that fits and makes you look better than you did without it, not worse.

2. Cups bow out

See how this poor woman's cups do this weird triangle-y thing? Well it's no good. It shows under shirts and makes it look like your boobs go way out to the side, which again, is very undesirable and unattractive. If your bra does this, I feel like it goes without say, but since some of you seem confused i'll just lay it out for you- SOMETHING DOESN'T FIT.  Get fitted for a bra and instead of having awkward side boobs, you can have pretty, sexy, and sassy cleavage!

3. Straps too tight

When you wear your bras straps too tight, it rides up in the back, thus causing your boobs to sag lower in the front. Not cute, right? Your bra should come straight across your back, lay flat, AND not dig into your shoulders to the point where you are getting strap marks at the end of the day. If you have the correct cup and band size, this won't be an issue. The straps are there to hold the bra up, but the band and the cup are the real worker bees here and without them fitting correctly, you start relying on the straps, which is a bad idea!

4. Underboob

Do I even need to explain why this is bad? Your boobs should NOT be coming out the bottom of any bra. And this goes for bathing suits/bikinis/swimwear as well. When your boobs come out the bottom, it's too small!

5. Boob muffin-top

Nobody wants to look like they have 4 boobs. 2 are really plenty, especially if yours are big, which is usually what causes this problem. Do not stuff your boobs into a too small bra like sausage into casing. This is terrible looking and it stresses everyone out. 

*I'm not going to lie, this is one that I am guilty of occassionally. I'm a busty lady and when my weight fluctuates, so do my fancy ladies. But the good news is that I have bras in different sizes for different times of the month/year and that accommodates any fluctuations, so no more muffin-top boob! Yay! Hooray! Yippeeeeeee!

I know you do not set out to go shopping thinking, boy I hope I get a really ill-fitting bra! Unfortunately it just seems to happen somehow, but it indeed can be avoided. And when you wear a bra that fits, it honestly makes you look 10 lbs lighter. No joke!

As a busty lady, here's my tips for finding the bra right for you:

• Do not fixate or worry about the size. Whether you wear a 30 AA or a 62 JJJJ, find a bra that fits you! Nobody needs to know the size and the better it fits, the better it looks, and the better you look!
• If you have a large bust, you really do need underwire. You need the support, trust me. And guess what, a bra that is well-fitted will be comfortable, underwire or not! Only those small busted ladies can get away with no underwire. You lucky little devils.
• Have at least one strapless bra that fits well. Preferably in nude. No matter what your size, if you want to be able to wear those cute strapless dresses and skinny shirts, you need a strapless bra!
• Have at least one bra in nude (for under white clothing) and then you can have all the colorful and wild bras you want. Hot pink with lime green polka dots? Get it girl.
• Remember that you need to wear the right bra with the right outfit. T-shirts and other tighter fitting clothing require smooth bras while something a little thicker allows you to wear those sexy lacy little numbers. If you can see your bra under your shirt, something is wrong. 
• No matter your size, make sure you are comfortable and that it fits. Everything else will fall into place, I promise!

Ladies, go forth into the world and put your breast foot forward. That joke was terrible, sorry. But seriously, get some damn bras that fit.

A heartfelt letter to a heinous crime of fashion.

Dear men who wear socks and sandals,

CUT THE CRAP.

You look ridiculous. 

Make a choice, either shoes and socks or sandals and bare feet.

Not really that hard of a decision.

If it's too cold to wear sandals, DON'T.

And chances are, if you're wearing sandals, you do not need socks.

I cannot and do not want to explain this terrible situation.

Please, for the love of humanity, STOP.

Love,

Queen Chelsea and the rest of the freaking world.

P.S. If you care to explain yourself, PLEASE do.

Oh wait. You can't. 

BYE.

If the shoes doesn't fit, you should probably quit.

...Trying to stuff your foot in it. Seriously my fabulous lovies, there is no excuse for the evil phenomenon I call Overtoe, which is when your toes hang over the edge of your shoe.

Fix yourself girl, you've got an overtoe. 

Why does this happen you ask? 

BECAUSE YOUR SHOES ARE TOO SMALL. 

Cut the nonsense and buy some shoes that fit. 

I know I don't have a lot of room to talk because I have very small feet, I wear a size 5, so I would literally have to wear infant shoes for them to be too small. But it's still unacceptable! Plus, there is no way it is comfortable. I mean, the whole point of a shoe is to keep your foot in and protect it, but when your toes are hanging off the edge, I bet they get scraped up a lot. Do they make toe band-aids for overtoe? If not, I should really start my own overtoe bandage business- I feel it could be truly lucrative. 

These are shoes for ants.

I will never understand why people do this! I mean, I get that your foot slides forward a little in your heels, but you need to TRY THEM ON before you buy/wear them and if your feet look like the above photo, you really need to reconsider where you're going with your life. 

Funny thing is that this doesn't just apply to heels! The picture below is a prime example that people do it with all shoes! I guess it's more noticeable in sandals, but I have no doubt people are doing this in closed-toe shoes too, which is just begging for ingrown toenails and other foot problems. 

There is NOTHING in this picture that is acceptable. Nothing.

Just face it, your feet are a certain size and honestly there's not a whole lot you can do about it. You can either accept it and move on with your life, or look terrible and have people judge you for being an adult and not knowing what shoe size you wear. It's your call.

***Ok people, I made you a promise a while ago that I ended up going back on. But cut me a little slack, i'm finally graduating in 3 weeks! Hooray!!! Seriously, YAY!
That being said, i'm pretty sure that these last two weeks are what my hell would be. The rapture came and happened to me personally, but I digress. I am completely buried in schoolwork and have no time to do anything fun that I actually enjoy doing, so I apologize for being the worst blogger ever in the history of the universe. Will you forgive me? GREAT! I love you too :)

I'M CRANKY.

Today has been a crappy day. Nothing really terrible happened, I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Incidentally, I also rolled over onto my dog who squeaked and squealed in terror, so I bet he's having a crappy day too. 

***No harm was done to any animals in the making of this rotten day***

But seriously people, some days are just uncool, right? Just like some clothes are uncool.

And try as we might to make the day better, it doesn't always work. Well, the same goes for clothes. This is where you come in. I need a little pep in my step for tomorrow, a little giggle in my heart, and a twinkle in my eye. 

BTW, twinkle in my eye sounds so darling, but it reminds me of conception, which is weird. Why do people say, I knew your parents before you were even a twinkle in their eye. Ruined that presh little phrase for me....Sorry for ruining it for you if it wasn't already taking you there. awkward. bye.

MOVING FORWARD WITH OUR LIVES....

I'm going to need you to send me a picture of the worst thing you have in your closet. I know, this requires some effort, but think of me while you're doing it and the joy it will bring me. Send them to me via e-mail at chelsea dot marie dot long (at) gmail dot com. 

(Like that fancy anti-spam e-mail address? I'm slick like that, you're jealous.)

I will keep the pictures anonymous and thanks to my mad photoshop skillz, I will black out any faces or anything that could indentify you if it's something truly horrific. Or if you simply don't care, i'll just post it. Whatevs. Go down with your bad self and your ugly clothes.

SEND ME YOUR PICTURES! There has to be something in your closet that you are ashamed to own. Maybe it's a pair of shoes that are from 8th grade, but somehow you cannot get rid of them. Or maybe it's a ratty but beloved sweatshirt. I know you have something, don't lie to me. It will take you somewhere between 3 and 5 seconds to take a picture and send it to me, so hurry up and do it! I need to have a good giggle and I feel like we can all appreciate some bad fashion.

I'll break the ice and go first.

This is my Cape Cod dog shirt. 

My mom got it for me for the following reasons:

A. It was pink

B. It has a little black dog on it that *slightly* resembles my ratty dog Parker in that he too is black. But trust, I would NEVER put him in anything with an American flag on it. How cheesy!

C. It was something like $1 or $2 bones. 

D. She loves me and thinks i'm nice and neat.

For the record, before she kills me, she knows that it's hideous and always has. She never bought it thinking i'd like it or wear it in public. She bought it thinking it was somewhat hilarious and that I could wear it around the house, which I do. And I love it. It reminds me of home and my family, but I would rather die than be seen wearing it. Only my roommate is lucky enough to get a glimpse of it every now and then and i'm pretty sure even she judges me. 

I spilled my lame-o beans, now it's your turn. 

Go forth and bringeth me your ugliest/worst/tackiest item.

Thanks, love you, bye!